Heaven
by AngelofDarkness250
Summary: (COMPLETE) After the apocalypse Angel has his humanity, but is lost wo Cordy. He has no powers as a human so is it safe for him to be fighting demons? CA.
1. Chapter 1

Angel stood on the balcony, the sun shone on his face. He could feel the cool wind blowing softly across his cheeks. He'd done the hardest thing of all today, but he knew it had been the right thing to do. He had been human for two weeks now, but he didn't feel alive. Now he feared he never would. He recalled the tough conversation from earlier on.   
  
It was the first time he'd seen Buffy after becoming human. She ran up to him and instantly threw her arms around his neck. This would not go well, he knew that now. Buffy leaned in to kiss him, but he carefully pulled away.   
  
"Angel? What's wrong?" She asked surprised by his gesture.   
  
"Let's go for a walk Buffy. We need to talk." Angel replied calmly. This would take all of his strength. The two left the small airport and headed to the park down the street.   
  
"Buffy, I need to do something today. Something that I know will be hard, but I must do it. It wouldn't be right for me to pretend, and I don't want to." Angel said. Buffy stopped walking and sat down on a bench pulling Angel down next to her. She faced him, her expression got serious.   
  
"What's going on Angel? You're finally human. We can be together now, we really don't need to waste time talking do we?" Buffy asked impatiently.   
  
She looked so worried, yet still beautiful in Angel's eyes. She had fought hard in the battle to, yet again, save the world from the apocalypse. It had been a big, very hard battle, but they won, giving Angel is humanity at last. He saw her as beautiful now, as he had when he first met her, but that was not enough. His feelings had changed. He slowly closed his eyes and breathed in deeply.   
  
"Look Buffy. This is really hard for me, and I don't want to hurt you. We were in love for a long, long time, and we've been through a lot together. We got together and broke up more times than I can remember. It's been a long time and things change Buffy." Angel began surprising himself with how the words were coming out right.   
  
"What are you trying to say? I don't understand Angel?" Buffy said, the pain showing in her eyes.   
  
"Buffy, I know we used to wish for this. That I'd become human and we could be together for the rest of our lives like a normal couple, but it's different now. It took me a really long time, but I finally moved on Buff. I'll always, always care about you. You are my best friend, but we can't be together. I'd be lying to myself and to you, if I said I was still in love with you." Angel said slowly.   
  
"You mean to tell me that my biggest wish came true, and you're gonna give it up like that? You are finally human, we can finally be together, and you don't want it?" Buffy said, furious.   
  
"Buffy please, don't make this harder than it has to be. We've grown apart. I'll always love you, but I am not in love with you as I once was." Angel said wishing this could be easier on Buffy.   
  
"That's bull shit Angel. Why are you doing this?" She said standing up, but quickly reconsidering and sitting down. Her mood changed quickly as she placed her hand on Angel's cheek. "Angel, it's okay now. We can be together, are you afraid to let yourself be happy?"  
  
"No Buffy. I am not afraid to be happy. I want to be happy, but my happiness is not you anymore. You will find someone that you love and that loves you, but Buff it's not going to be me. We're over; there is no "us" anymore. We had our thing, it's gone. It's too late for us Buffy." Angel said carefully taking Buffy's hand off of his cheek, but keeping it in his.   
  
"Oh I get it Angel. Cute." Buffy said, angrily pulling her hand away. "This is about Cordelia isn't it? Did you love her Angel? We're you in love with her? Well she's gone Angel, she's dead! Get over it!" Buffy yelled standing up again.  
  
"Buffy don't you dare bring Cordy into this. You don't anything about my relationship with Cordy!" Angel yelled back, also standing up.  
  
"Did you love her then? Did you love the snobby Cordelia Chase? Queen C? Then friggin' drama queen on Sunnydale?" Buffy yelled in his face.   
  
Before thinking, Angel's hand flew up and he slapped Buffy across the cheek.   
  
"No, I'm not sorry for slapping you this time Buffy! Cordelia Chase changed, and even you know that. Yes, I did love her, I still do. You are the one that needs to accept that you and I are through!" Angel said angrily. "You can't come here and just expect us to pick up where we left off. It doesn't work that was Buffy! I can't just be expected to give myself to you. We have separate lives now Buffy, completely different, separate lives. I have Angel Investigations to run, you have Dawn to take care of, and Willow and Xander. We moved on, and things are different."  
  
"So that's it? It's over then?" Buffy said as the tears welled up in her eyes. "It's just over for us?"   
  
"Buffy I've always loved you. I always will, we're friends. We can be friends, but just friends. Okay Buffy?" Angel said reaching out and touching Buffy's shoulder.   
  
"Yeah. I understand Angel. I love you too. I... I ...just..." Buffy couldn't hold the tears back anymore. She let them all go, and let Angel pull her into his arms.  
  
"I'm so sorry Buffy. It's going to be okay. I promise." Angel whispered into her ear.  
  
  
  
Back at the airport Buffy turned to face Angel, the tears filling her eyes again.  
  
  
  
"Bye Angel." Buffy said softly.  
  
"You could stay for a while Buffy." Angel pleaded.  
  
"Nope. I need time Angel. I can't be friends with you yet, I am not ready. I still love you so much, and it's going to take a long time to get over it." Buffy said as a tear rolled down her cheek.  
  
"I's so sorry Buffy. I never wanted to hurt you, I swear. One day you'll understand why I did this. I do love you though, but as a friend. I'll miss you." Angel said, wiping the tear from her face only to allow more to flow.  
  
"I'll miss you too. Bye Angel." She said as she turned to walk away.  
  
Angel watched her walk down the terminal. He was closing the door on this part of his life forever. Buffy turned once, wiped her tears away and smiled.   
  
"Bye Buffy Summers." Angel whispered to himself as he turned and walked into the sunny street.   
  
  
  
***  
  
That had to have been the hardest thing Angel had gone through, with the exception of Cordelia's funeral. Angel knew he had been through fights with evil demons and been through many apocalypses, but Cordy's funeral had been really hard for him. Being an ex-vampire, Angel wasn't a guy who showed his feelings, but the funeral had killed him. He had let it all out at the end, but Lorne, Wes and Gunn were there for him as they always had been. But Angel had lost the girl he loved more than anyone, and she would never know how he really felt about her. He missed Cordelia so much. He had wanted to spend his human life with her, but she was gone. She wouldn't be back, and he was now human, and alone.  
  
  
  
"Hey cupcake what's on your mind?" Lorne asked as he walked out onto the balcony behind Angel.   
  
"Nothing." Angel said laconically.  
  
"Angel. Don't tell me you're okay because I know you're not." Lorne began. "I know you miss her Angel."  
  
"I do. Lorne, she was the one I loved. This humanity is nothing to me without her to share it with. I told Buffy today, that I wasn't in love with her. I told her that I loved Cordelia. I miss Cordy so much! I remember every moment with her Lorne, and I need her back. I remember when we lay talking, and watching Con...um...the stars. When we danced in the rain, I remember her sweet scent and her soft touch. I miss it all."  
  
  
  
Slow dancing on the boulevard. In the quiet moments while the city's still dark. Sleepwalking though the summer rain and the tired spaces. You could hear her name when she was warm and tender, and you held her arms around you. There was nothing but her love and affection. She was crazy for, now she's part of something that you lost.  
  
  
  
"I know strudel, I know how much you miss her. I can tell what you're feeling without you even singing . I can see the pain in your eyes and in your voice. I'm so sorry Angel." Lorne said. "But maybe it wasn't meant to be with you too Angel. Maybe she was not what you needed. But then again maybe she was what you needed, and still need. She did love you Angel, you know that right? It was an unspoken love between you two."   
  
"Lorne, I never really got to tell her how I felt. I never got to let her know just how much I loved her. How deeply in love I was. She still thought I was in love with Buffy. She'll never have then chance to know that I choose her over Buffy. That I made that decision, and now it's too late." Angel said with watery eyes.  
  
  
  
And for all you know, this could be the difference between what you need and what you wanna be.   
  
Night swimming in her diamond dress. Making small circles move across the surface. Stand watching from the steady shore. Feeling wide open and waiting for something warm and tender now she's moving further from you. There was nothing that could make it easy on you; every step you take reminds you that's she's walking wrong.  
  
"I know Angel. I know. I wish I could bring her back for you, but I'm sure she's in a better place Angel. She's where she deserves to be, happy. Our Cordy must be happy in heaven by now." Lorne smiling.   
  
"Yeah I know she is." Angel said turning and walking back inside and down the hallway. Head hung low, Lorne could see the pain he was feeling.   
  
"Oh Angel you miss her so much." Lorne said out loud. He watched as Angel slumped down the long hallway.  
  
  
  
Every word you never said echoes down the empty hallway, and everything that was your world just came down.   
  
Angel walked out onto the other door of their summer cabin, by the lake. He stood looking out at the water and smiled as he thought of Cordelia.   
  
Day breaking on the boulevard feel the sun warming your second hand heart. Light swimming right across your face, and you think maybe someday, yeah, maybe someday.  
  
"Oh Angelcakes, someday you will be with her. I know you will. You're a man now Angel, and I know you deserve heaven as well." Lorne said out loud to himself. "You'll be with Cordy again."  
  
TBC... 


	2. Chapter 2

Angel sat on his bed and contemplated what to do. Not  
  
just with the day, but with life. He was a human now;  
  
he could live a normal human life, but he didn't want  
  
to. He still had Angel Investigations to run, which  
  
after the apocalypse was set up in the old Wolfram and  
  
Hart building. He ran Angel Investigations, but it  
  
wasn't the same. He could kill demons, but it was  
  
harder, and a lot more dangerous. He didn't have the  
  
powers and strengths he had had, and it let him  
  
nothing.   
  
"Hey Angel. Erthos demon again." Gunn said, "Wes and  
  
I have located it and are ready to go when you are."   
  
"Okay, I'm ready. I guess." Angel said glumly,  
  
standing up and grabbing his jacket.  
  
"Don't sound to enthused. What's up?" Gunn asked.  
  
"Oh nothing, just same old, same old." Angel said  
  
leading the way to his car.  
  
"Hey Angel, ready to kill this slimy bastard?" Wes  
  
said grinning.  
  
"Uh huh." Angel replied.  
  
"What's wrong Mr. Grumpy pants?" Wes said, in an  
  
oddly happy mood.  
  
"Nothing." Angel replied.  
  
"Okay then, we're down in the dumps today." Gunn  
  
said. "Angel do you want to talk?"   
  
"No guys, really I'm fine. I just…I dunno I sort of  
  
miss my powers that's all." Angel said.  
  
"Oh I know how you feel." Gunn said, "Of course that  
  
doesn't mean I want a lawyers mind again." He added  
  
quickly, glancing at the hurt look on Wesley's face.  
  
Gunn knew what Wes was thinking; it was the same thing  
  
he thought of. Winnifred Berckle.   
  
"Okay, lets go guys." Angel said starting the car's  
  
engine.  
  
***  
  
The three of them got to the scene just in time to  
  
see the slimy Erthos holding a sword over a blonde  
  
girl.  
  
"Hey you." Gunn yelled at the demon, "Why don't you  
  
pick on someone your own size?"   
  
With that Gunn jumped forward and swung his own  
  
sword, slicing the demon's head of in one clean blow.   
  
"Are you okay?" Angel asked the girl.  
  
"Yes…yeah I'm fine? What was that thing?" She asked  
  
getting up nervously.  
  
"Don't worry about it, you need to get out of here."  
  
Angel said. He listened to see if he could hear  
  
anything else around, then remembered he didn't have  
  
the super hearing of a vampire anymore. "You better  
  
go."   
  
The girl took of and Wes and Gunn checked out the  
  
demons lifeless body.   
  
"Lets get out of here guys." Angel said quickly, "I  
  
get a bad feeling from this place."   
  
"Oh come on Angel! This guy was rich." Gunn said  
  
pulling out a wallet full of money.  
  
"Hmm I didn't know demons carried wallets." Wesley  
  
said.  
  
"Guys come on." Angel said louder, looking around as  
  
if something were going to jump out of the bushes. He  
  
didn't like this feeling. Not being able to sense if  
  
something or someone was there. He felt so hopeless,  
  
but he still got the feeling like they were being  
  
watched. Of course feelings like that weren't  
  
probable.   
  
Wes and Gunn turned around joking about who would  
  
keep the money. Suddenly Wesley's face turned white  
  
and Gunn dropped his sword to the ground with a clang.  
  
"Guys? What the hell?" Angel asked. He slowly turned  
  
around, but it was too late.  
  
As the cold sword pierced his side, Angel dropped to  
  
his knees. This type of blow to his side would not  
  
have affected him as a vampire, but this was lethal.  
  
The sword was pulled quickly back out of Angel's side.  
  
Allowing blood to flow freely from the wound. Angel  
  
fell to the ground, and everything went dark. 


	3. Chapter 3

Wesley and Gunn sat by Angel's side in the hospital  
  
room. He looked so calm lying there in the bed. The  
  
doctors were unsure of whether or not he would make it  
  
through. Gunn and Wes were devastated.  
  
"Cordy?" Angel asked weakly.  
  
"Angel. It's us. Gunn and Wesley." Gunn said slowly.  
  
"Hi guys, are you both okay?" Angel asked opening his  
  
eyes. It warmed Wesley's heart to hear him ask if they  
  
were okay first. He had always been so selfless.  
  
"Yeah Angel we're fine. How do you feel?" Wesley  
  
replied smiling.  
  
"Not too well." Angel smiled weakly. He tried to sit  
  
up, but found it too painful. "Am I… am I okay?" Angel  
  
asked worriedly.   
  
A look of pain shot through both his friends' eyes  
  
telling Angel that he was not okay. Death had never  
  
been a problem for Angel before. He had died once, but  
  
dying as a human was a lot different than for a  
  
vampire. It was real; he was real. Angel let out a  
  
sigh.  
  
"Angel, we want you to know we're here for you okay."  
  
Wes said carefully.   
  
"Keep Angel Investigations going okay?" Angel said  
  
weakly. He laid his head back and closed his eyes.  
  
"Angel, don't talk like that. You'll be alright."  
  
Lorne said, walking in.  
  
"It's okay guys. I am not afraid of death. I have  
  
died before you know." Angel said trying to sound  
  
light-hearted. Nevertheless, he knew this was  
  
different. He remembered where he had been the first  
  
time. It had been more pain and torture than anything  
  
Angel had ever faced before, and that scared him. He  
  
was terrified that in hell he would lose the memory of  
  
Cordy. Or be tortured by the fact that he could never  
  
see her again. It was agony to his soul.   
  
"It's going to be okay Angel. You will survive this.  
  
You're strong." Wesley said worriedly.  
  
"Wes, my time is up. I have lived a very long life,  
  
and I am ready to go." Angel said quietly. "I am  
  
ready. I saved the world, many times. I have lived for  
  
over 250 years; that's plenty of living for me."   
  
"Yes but you have just received your gift; your  
  
humanity. You can't give it up that easily Angel."  
  
Lorne said.  
  
"Guys, being human is so not all it's cracked up to  
  
be." Angel said, smiling again, "The toll of losing  
  
loved ones is taking its toll on me, and I am just  
  
ready to go. You do not need me here anymore. You are  
  
all stronger fighters than I am now. You can go on  
  
helping the helpless. Do it for me, and more  
  
importantly do it for Cordelia Chase." He said, seeing  
  
the image of the beautiful brown haired girl in his  
  
mind. That is what he had always wanted; to spend his  
  
human life with Cordelia, but she was taken from him.  
  
That was why he was done with life. He lost her, and  
  
he was lost without her. He really was ready.  
  
"Just keep on living guys, and don't forget to help  
  
people. That's the most important thing." Angel said  
  
closing his eyes again.   
  
"Angel, please." Wesley pleaded.  
  
But it was too late. Angel took his last breath and  
  
the line went flat. He was gone.  
  
***  
  
Wesley, Gunn and Lorne sat in Angel's old office at  
  
Angel Investigations. Neither one of the guys, besides  
  
Lorne, would admit they had cried the previous night.  
  
But the nonetheless they had. Angel had been their  
  
boss, their hero and their best friend. They had all  
  
known him for a long time, and knew nothing without  
  
him. It had hit the group hard when their champion  
  
girl, Cordelia had left them, but this was  
  
devastating. Neither one wanted to help the helpless  
  
anymore. They all wanted nothing more than to give up  
  
and die like there friends, but they wouldn't.  
  
"I'll really miss those crazy kids." Lorne said  
  
sniffling.  
  
"Yeah. I can't believe Angel gave up on life like  
  
that." Gunn said, "He was always a fighter. I mean he  
  
was in hell before, why would he want to go back  
  
their?"   
  
"What makes you think he did go back to hell?" Wesley  
  
asked looking out the window.  
  
"Huh? Hello! He's great and all, but he was a vampire  
  
for 250 years." Gunn added.  
  
"Yes, but he was also a human. He fought half his  
  
life for redemption, and he got it. He did the right  
  
thing. Fought the good fight. I don't think Angel knew  
  
it, but I know he is in heaven now." Wesley said.  
  
"With Cordelia Chase." Lorne added smiling slightly  
  
at the thought of them finally being together, and  
  
happy.  
  
"Exactly. I think Angel is right where he is supposed  
  
to be." Wes said sighing.  
  
***  
  
Angel's eyes opened as the bright light blinded his  
  
vision momentarily. He had no idea where he was or  
  
what happened. As his memory came back, a sudden chill  
  
shot through him; this was hell again. He looked  
  
around, as everything turned dark around him. The only  
  
light now was coming from just in front of him; it  
  
even seemed to be getting closer.  
  
"I've been waiting for you Angel." A familiar voice  
  
rang out into the air.  
  
TBC… 


	4. Chapter 4

"C...Cordy?" Angel said blinking as the light slowly faded. Angel slowly opened his eyes and saw her. Her beautiful brown eyes shone as they had when he used to know her. Her smile still seemed to pierce his soul and make his heart jump into his throat. There she stood right there in front of him as if they had never been apart. Cordelia Chase; the girl he loved.  
"Angel. It took you so long to get here." Cordelia said smiling and stepping closer to him.  
"Am I...Am I dreaming? I mean this can't be real. If this is hell it has certainly improved." Angel said smiling back at her.  
"Don't be silly Angel, this is not hell. And you are certainly not dreaming. You're really here with me...in heaven." Cordelia said touching his cheek.  
"Heaven? But...how. I mean I was an evil vampire; there's no way I can be in heaven." Angel said in disbelief.  
"Believe me Angel. You spent most of your life fighting evil; trying to be redeemed. Your becoming human was not your true redemption. This is. You deserve to be in heaven now Angel, here with me." Cordelia said throwing her arms around him. "I love you Angel." She whispered into his ear.  
"I love you too." Angel said pulling his head back and looking into those big brown eyes that filled him with warmth.  
"It's okay now Angel. At last we can be together, and we will be forever." Cordy said. His hand reached up and slid slowly through her brown hair. He kissed her softly on the lips.  
"Come on Angel." She said taking his hand in hers and leading up to the gates. "Come with me, and I'll show you heaven."  
  
The End.  
  
Authors note: Sorry for such a short ending, but I didn't feel it needed to be dragged out too much. Hope you liked it. Please R&R. Thanks.  
  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to the genius Joss Whedon. No profit is made. ( 


End file.
